OnyxTowers: My Author Journey - Feb. 18, 2023- No wait, May 1, 2023

GREETINGS, AND SALUTATIONS!

Been a minute! I'll explain in brief, my entire 2022, half of 2023,

and future plans...

THIS IS A LONG ONE, BUCKLE UP BUCKAROOS!

*grabs toilet paper to wad up

Because I began writing this long awaited post, about, hmm, 4 times, and didn't finish, because they ended up getting TOO LONG, I'll try a bulleted format. To keep it short.

Short? Yeah right.

Mind you, this is on top of my already daily schedule of:

☒ Going walking/jogging before sunrise (I have Lupus- we cannot be out in the sun)

☒ Changing my disabled mother's adult diapers

☒ Cleaning her up

☒ Crushing her pills and distributing into her breakfast yogurt

☒ Spoon feeding her

☒ Getting breakfast ready for the household (1 adult, 2 elderly)

☒ The following are as needed: Scheduling doctor's appts./refills/making grocery lists/sweeping/tidying up after my mother/changing bed sheets/laundry/calling handiman to fix various parts of house/complain to cable-internet company's tech support over intermittent wifi signal/fixing bill discrepancies/ renewing or adjusting various insurance policies/ washing dishes/ cleaning & seasoning meats & packaging them for freezer/ cleaning surfaces/ recycling garbage

☒ Looking for government grants (I'll make a separate post on this at some point)

☒ Preparing dinner

☒ Getting my mother to bed

☐ MAYBE I get around to completing at least 50% of one thing of mine!

**This is already 6-8 hours of my entire day**

**No, the government doesn't pay me for this, because my mother is still on Medicare, and not Medicaid**

So, I will list it like this:

February-July 2022:

Finished up filing necessary documents for my business. It was much more complicated than necessary, as government websites are full of broken links and redundant, wild goose chases. They also take their sweet-ass time to process. Do they ever answer the freaking phone lines they post publicly? Once in a while, maybe. Now ain't nobody got time for that shit! I'm still rolling my eyes a full year later.

Business Documents I Filed for my publishing label

Filed for an EIN and a DBA (more on that in another post)
Acquired an S-Corp classification

IRS Form 2553 allows you to apply S-Corp status to your Corporation. EFTPS (Electronic Federal Tax Payment System) gives you a PIN to efile your business taxes, after you acquire an EIN (Employer Identification Number)

Opened a business bank account with my EIN
Business Bank account, presented by one, very enthusiastic Carlson.
Got a virtual mail box for my business (jumped the gun on that one)
Oh, and I took minutes in a meeting with myself, and recorded them. Crush it! 🤜🌟🤛

I'm on my way! Right?

- Then All This Shit Happened -

July-October 2022:

Well, several things happened. At once. Such as, I finally broke my Wordpress cherry and pulled the trigger. I first bought the web hosting (at discount), then I purchased a Wordpress template site builder, to finally build my publishing house's label. I got the lifetime deal, simply because all other sites offer yearly subscriptions, which I loathe, and this comes with extras and live customer service support. Other services may or may not provide any of these amenitites. It took about a month of comparing site, after site, after site...dollar for dollar, this made sense at the time, to fit my needs.

Which wouldn't have been awesome, except for the damn sinkhole...

I believe this shitbox housed the two cable/internet boxes. Saw it floating up & down the street during many a flood.

How it started; a year ago.

What it looks life today, actually, this afternoon. :( That green one on left is my lifeline to the internet

THE SINKHOLE. (add this to the unpredictable outliers that co$t any business many moneys)

A sinkhole opened up out on the street, by the curb. Right in front of my house.

Of course.

Right where the street cable box feeds these 4 consecutive houses their cable/internet.

Of course.

As a result, my internet reception was spotty, on & off FOR MONTHS. (a full year to the day) Man, what a great time to sink $225 into a lifetime deal for a customizeable website builder, that is completely dependent on a desktop browser! What bad timing.

Did the cable company send van monkeys to fiddle with the box? Yes.

My boy here chilling next to a dome-shaped hole big enough to fit an elephant.

Did the town send construction workers to drill a hole in the middle of the street, bury a riveted, steel metal pod into the ground, like some steampunk submarine, hit shallow water, concrete and asphalt all over it, to divert the low water table drainage problem that has existed on this street since I was a kid? Also yes.


LOL, they told me they dig these all over NY but here, the water table was 'unusually high'. Gotta buy a kayak on Amazon Prime now.

In 2022, because the heavy rain falls kept shifting the walls and sand around, causing the green cable box to shift so much the lid came away?

Did it permanently ruin our streetlight, causing it to dim, then ✘ blackout ✘ for days into a dark street?

Did it cause the cables attached to loosen, screwing up the wifi signals?⛔📲⛔Yes to all!

And did I finish building the website? No, due to the on & off lack of internet. Wifi now intermittent. Also, more problems ensued.

August 2022, when I became the 'man of the house':

Jesus,Mary, & Joseph- say, this is some Egyptian biblical-level plague bullsheet!

THE FLY PROBLEM. During an impossible week of heatwave, 26 house flies were swarming over the kitchen windows inside our house, escaping for cool shade. Apparently, the window brush pile wore down so damn much, revealing a huge gap where all manner of insects were coming and going like some damn, afternoon rush-hour housefly expressway. After 2 straight days of that shit, I took out the window, measured the brush pile, ordered it on Amazon from an obscure store in Canada, removed the old and replaced it. It was TEDIOUS. Time consuming. As in, I don't have time for all of this nonsense! Redoing 4 sides on 6 window panes/2 full windows, took me about 2 weeks, split with other daily obligations. Had to take out a sample from the window and measure it with calipers to get the correct size, jeez.

Mind you, I had NO idea about any of this crap when I first began. Do I have a dad who never taught me how to fix anything? Yes! Did I squander days looking up whatever the hell this thing is even called, and find answers on several YouTube tutorials? Also yes!

Be prepared to do some advanced math if your windows don't have these measurements labeled. Also, take all the panes out and find out how many sides have these suckers in.

⮞FUN FACT: This eroded brush pile was also partly the ongoing reason rain leaked around the kitchen windows. Been leaking for years! A contractor told us our window flashing was fine, but put a sheet of aluminium above it, just in case. (for $400) Didn't even improve the situation. However, once I fixed the brush pile, no more watery window frame! Figures.

God help you if you have tendonitis peeling the old brush pile. It's really wedged in there!

What I wear to keep the pain away. This, and some Tylenol. (Paracetamol, in Europe)

September 2022-ON TO MORE REPAIRS:

Changed a door knob, because my mother began a habit of walking into rooms and removing their contents. Note, this is the first time in my dumbass life I have ever needed to do this. Damn doorknobs were so old, it took more than an hour to get them unstuck from their position. I went at it with a rubber mallet, to wedge it loose. Once I was done, I realized I put it in backwards. *sigh* Of course I did! 4hrs. total. By the end, my hands hurt bad.

These were the knobs we put in when we bought the house, way back when Ghostbusters first came out in theaters.

Added new weather strip to the back screen door. To the first floor door. To the front door, door. Drafty winds and insects were getting in through gaps, namely wasps and crickets. There was a hole in the interior wooden door frame where the wasps were beginning a nest, I covered it in silicone caulk, bye bye waspys! Then I spent an entire week catching those chunky fuckers and tossing them outside. They're big, but they move fast!

Had to line these top & bottom. Also trimmed and glued a vinyl door guard along the bottom to block the 1 1/2" gap along the floor

Fixed the leaky kitchen faucet, again. Left it a bit loose last time, in case it began leaking again. My father told me the handiman tightened it. I pointed out he did a bang up job, while we both watched it leak again. I took everything apart, retightened everything. Problem solved.

Again, I've never done this a day in my life, until I got fed up and started tinkering with it. The worst part was finding the right size hex key, because my elderly father has too many toolboxes scattered everywhere in the house, all have diff. sized hex keys, and some have rusted files and blades just sitting inside with many loose gaskets and screws unorganized. What a mess to sift through! Also, mental note to get myself a tetanus shot soon 💉

Only 2 tools to fix this style of pull-down faucet: A hex key, and a wrench to tighten. A cartridge goes inside it, but it was still in good condition, no need to replace.

Fixed printer error. PRINTER ERRORS ARE FUN! *not really* It's an inkjet piece of shit. Got an arbitrary error message about a fictitious paper jam. Followed a simple online tutorial, problem solved. Until February 2023, when it rears it's ugly head again. Turns out, it's caused by a scanner problem.

To fix it, you must first take it all apart, and one needs a set of special Torx screwdriver tools because all 12 screws are star-shaped, so no Philips, and no Stanley flathead screwdrivers can remove these. Fun! Just start at that circled hinge, then CAREFULLLY perform electronics surgery, without damaging the ribbon cables stuck behind the screen, which apparently must also be removed? This reminds me of removing the lint trap in the dryer, because after you unscrew it, there's wires attached, and you better NOT damage these while you vacuum out the deep lint in the cavity!

Mind you, I have zero time to add to my schedule, and very limited fixer-upper expertise on this level. This is still an ongoing project. Time to order a kit on Amazon! Well, I just LOVE LOVE love, spending money I don't have, to work on projects I have no time for, it's so much fun! WHEEE!

Error message 0x610***** on the screen of my printer. No fix that the company offers, actually fixes it. Have to fix this shit on my own, or cough up a few hundred for a laser printer. #righttorepair

October 2022-January 2023 - Health Issues & Malfunctions:

The Lupus reared it's ugly head over the last few months, but MAN, was I feeling it these last six! I was in bed, on & off, putting myself at bed rest in the afternoon like my elderly parents. It's kinda humiliating, not gonna lie. I have a million things to do, stress to keep away, and body needs huge rest after lugging up the stairs all those HEAVY-ASS COSTCO GROCERIES (it's a 2 floor house and two refrigerators)

Because the Lupus has me running on a low battery, the amount of responsibilities haven't lessened, but I cannot physically keep up. So less is getting done. The house is looking dirtier. So less blogging, less social media, less writing- this seems to be put on the back end most times

After many times that the cable/internet company fixed the sinking green box out in the street, the wifi signal finally steadied enough for me to use the website builder. I did tweak and add stuff to it. It's still not done. I still have to connect Mailerlite to it, which I've been setting up too. But I've been weak and sick, and still prioritizing my mother's needs

Speaking of which, my mother fell down the damn stairs! The same stairs she hates walking on! Just one night, she decided to go for it. I was on webcam talking to friends downstairs, when she got away from my dad from the bedroom, then we all heard the THUMP! My friends heard it on cam, it was that loud!

Poor mom! I tell you I almost ugly cried that night, like at the end of ToyStory 3. She's fully recovered now, thankfully.

She did NOT break, nor fracture anything, and no brain bleed, miracle of miracles! I attribute it to the calcium in her morning yogurt we feed her daily

But we spend 45 consecutive days rehabbing her. Man, December and January sucked ass, hard! Bleeding from her left eye, bed wetting, eyes swollen shut from landing on the landing face first, barely walking from all the pain. Oh yeah, I'm still weak and tired during this time, lost a lot of sleep, rehabbing my poor mother. I lost 30 lbs/13.6 kilos from December to end of January, and only realized it at the rheumatologist's office in early February when they weighed me

So our heating unit, powered by electricity, powered by heating oil, decided to not work. Right before New Year's Eve. In Winter. In New York. For about 2 days. I should mention this eco-unfriendly mechanical hunk of junk also heats up the water in the house. No hot water and no heat means terrible conditions for caring for the elderly and disabled. 38°F/ 3.3°C inside the house are frosty conditions to bear!

Old, busted-ass boiler. Costs as much to replace as the oil to gas conversion.

The day after, the dude who fixed this thing, told us the water valve was constantly leaking. In fact, it hade been leaking for a loooong period of time! Nobody knew because it was dripping from that there gasket, and dripping very slightly, over who knows how long. The original gasket was corroded; I was instructed to call the water authority, they sent a guy in less than 10 min. who replaced it with a new shiny brass gasket you see there. FYI water damage like that causes irreparable deep damage to a property, luckily it was in a part of our house where it did no harm, and adequate drainage, at least that's what the guy told us.
The new gasket that replaced the water-oxidized one. You can see the corrosion from previous damage.

Raised Utility Costs Across the Nation $$$

We spent in our household $1500 for heating oil in one month, then $1200 in another, then finally back down to $800+ the last two months. The electric also rose from a typical $250 to $350/mo. We are so skin flint, and absolutely cannot keep going with these high costs, in addition to the rising food costs. It prompted me to give serious consideration to converting our home from oil heated, to gas (home renovations have always been a HUGE deal in our cash-strapped house) and finding ways for the government to pay for it. I needed grants for my business anyway, so I signed up for a program that lasts 6 months. I was able to uncover quite a bit of help!

We qualified because we are woefully below income for our state, by about $25,000.00 They sent a contractor to our home, who did an audit, found our home largely 'energy inefficient' and so we qualified for energy efficient freebies. Mid month, they are hooking us up with a FREE Google Nest thermostat, ($129.00 value) and a FREE stainless steel refrigerator. (no idea the cost) No, no ice maker on this one. But FREE is FREE. We qualified for a new fridge! I was told they assemble those at the factory and send them to the needy in the program, which is terrific. Our large refrigerator barely keeps food cold, shelves are broken has a busted icemaker, deactivated water dispenser and busted freezer light, makes our food green and moldy 4 months out of the year, and it's from 1989. It's why we got the 1970s fridge as a backup, but now that backup is busted.

1970's leaky refrigerator, with rust stains and mold, I believe it's a General Electric? I put a painter's tray underneath to catch the water drainage. It rusted the linoleum tiles underneath. Good thing I have extras for replacement.

1970s thermostat. The arrow indicator is broken so we take guesses as to what the temperature is

Same day, we were given 8 free LED lightbulbs, (valued @ $1.98 ea.) free brand new air conditioner, (worth $169.00) new air purifier, (worth $210.00) free power strip with auto shut-off switch, (valued at $52.99) and free night light, so my mom with her cataracts doesn't trip and fall again

Not hot enough for the A/C but we're getting there. They took away our old one, which weighed a ton of bricks, and required 2 people to lift. I'm able to lift this box by myself.

Pollen season is upon us, i got this bad boy running on an 8hr timer.

It's called the REAP program, offered by PSEG (our electric co.) They also offer it in New Jersey, it's called something else there. This is their website: https://homeenergy.pseg.com/homeweatherization You can call them up and they'll send you to the correct number that services your state

The dude also gave me a list of other programs that can get us free home repairs as well. He mentioned one customer was able to get free brand new windows and roofing and other things, it was like she almost got a new house in the deal. A brand new refrigerator delivered and installed by them tomorrow, because our 1970's refrigerator is nowhere near 'energy efficient' according to them

If you live in a different state, or have a different utility company, just look up the search terms "home energy efficiency weatherization" on any web browser EXCEPT Google, because they first search results are paid ads for premium services and you don't want that

February 2023

I paid the piper, and spent $75 of what's drying up from my stimulus check for a 6 month program that gives coaching, guidance, and a myriad of sources for government programs, assistance and grants. Been using it for a few weeks, so far it's interesting. You can see for yourself, this is the program: https://www.facebook.com/groups/leskohelp (no, I don't get sponsored from this) It's what helped me find the REAP program. I figure I needed the extra help, because I am getting nowhere fast; needed to make a drastic change to get different results here.

As a result, I am making a giant list of business grants to apply for. I'll make a post on this at a later point, but I will share it eventually. Basically, you have to already be in business to even qualify, so there's no time like right now to get your enterprise started

I finally found a counselor and eldercare law firm to see if we can set up a 'Medicaid Managed Trust' for my mom. We need her on Medicaid, stat. I was gonna call up the lawyer back in February after my mother healed, but my father brought home a flu, then we got infected. Then things started leaking and breaking in the house; my father no longer fixes things, busted his arm shoveling snow, and I am left to deal with everything-man, I am EXHAUSTED

Been unbearably cranky and twitchy for the last 2 months, a nasty result from rationing my ADHD medication due to the stupid, ongoing nationwide shortage. People who used to take Adderall now switched to my Ritalin, and now it's shorter in supply, good grief. Been on moody, highly irritable, shaky ground because of it

Still looking for business grants. Already compiled a long list on that too, just haven't had enough time to sift through all of it. I am woefully behind in all of my business obligations because of my mother's rehabbing and only getting caught up right now.

Uh oh, something smells like a fire! Is it the Playstation? Is it the lamp? Is it the electrical outlet? I unplugged everything around the computer to be sure. After 4 days of scoobydoing this mystery smell, I come to realize it was our old energy efficient light bulb! It's plastic base burnt dark, who knew that could happen?

March 2023

It rained inside the kitchen. Found a puddle in front of the stove (a HOB, if you're in the UK) Water dripping around the canned light in the kitchen ceiling. Fearful of a house fire, I called the handiman, who had that section of the roof removed and replaced altogether with something called 'Architectural Shingles'. He said that section of roofing, the original shingles were curled and some missing; the roof sagged there. $3,500.00 USD fixed it. We had to take the hit, it was detrimental, but spending anything north of $1000.00 means we feel that loss deeply, usually by shaving down our food budget. :(

Those are the wet shingles removed from the roof, in addition to the wet wood underneath.

Got a letter from those jury duty people, despite having them remove my name from their register 6 years ago, due to being a caretaker for my disabled mother, and for that, they forced me to show up with her and demonstrate her condition to the front desk lady. It was stressful! That was then, this is now. And on this letter, they mispelled my name entirely. Straightened it out after 2 phone calls with a very cranky lady on the phone who probably hates the people that call her up. She let me know in case I do get a summons, there is now a caretaker exemption on the summons, should I wish to elect it, and I will.

The virtual mailbox people went ahead and renewed me without consent for another year of membership. Previously, I paid annually for their service, and am annoyed to find later on that there's no option for removing my card details from their service! I had used Privacy.com as a shield when I first paid for it. It struck an insufficient fee charge, but my bank waived that anyway. But they didn't waive the $4.70 for covering the insufficient fee protection. The virtual mailbox folks did refund me the money back through Privacy.com but, Privacy.com decided to keep my $100.00 anyway. It's stupid, because their service is meant to protect against unscrupulous merchants from overcharging you, or hitting you with random or anonymous fees after the fact. They failed at the one thing they advertised they prevent. Unreal. Someone's being a jerk...Still fighting for it. Next time I will just use my business bank card, and cut them out of the picture altogether. Can't win 'em all!

I also got Amazon to refund me for some ebooks I accidentally ordered. They charged it to my giftcard, then reimbursed me later that night. (they make the process difficult) While I was scrolling on my phone, the BUY-NOW big, orange button would activate on it's own, even with my finger not touching it! (this was while scrolling!) Another nuisance is that I realized that BUY button is pretty close to the X on the tab to close out of that window, so it's easy to misclick on either one. Very sneaky, Amazon. I read on some forums that people find you cannot put ebooks in a shopping cart on Amazon, and now I realize, because it is more profitable. People don't pay attention to what they buy, especially in a hurry or a multiple order. The ones that do, their complaints are negligible to a company's bottom line. I had to go through an agonizing process to get reimbursed where their final live chat bubble mandatorily states "We cannot refund at this time" and "What else can we help you with?" I finally got a live agent to fix this through customer service, and handed them the item number, then got most of them refunded. (they shorted me $5) Next time, I download from the tablet or desktop instead, lesson learned. I found this summary of the refund process for Amazon in 2023 more or less.

April 2023

Never in my life, have I fixed so, so many things, made so many repairs. This is because this year marks the first time my father has fulfilled his senility, we're up to 50% now. He will have to quit driving in the next year, and confessed to me that even if I were to leave town for a few days to stay with friends, he couldn't spend one single day taking care of my mom by himself. If we ever needed the eldercare lawyer to set up his estate and Medicaid filing, IT'S NOW

After doing my taxes, putting together my parent's documents for their own tax filing, filing their other much needed government papers, switching their primary doctors due to an insurance screw-up, and fixing the major home repairs, we're finally more or less back to normal-ish. But man, am I beat. Now would be a good time to become Harry Potter. Abracadabra, e-file!

Paying the property taxes, bi-annual house insurance is next on our list of major things to get taken care of in 2023, that then leaves us back at the hiring the eldercare lawyer. Couple thousand dollars will go in those transactions. :(

Summation

Well, that's pretty much me, getting all caught up here. Yes, I HAVE been getting things done, just in random fucking order. I blame my ADHD brain, since we have no executive function -it is what it is.

I can get things done, though my brain has no idea what takes priority, so everything gets a random bit of attention simultaneously; tasks end up looking like a see-saw bar graph from hell. But hey, at least some things are getting done! Sort of.

I still continue to write

I have everything on the backend, many unfinished stories, articles I wanna launch, but first I must make the transition from my author blog on blogger to wordpress, and many other BIG changes.

I am just one person, struggling with running a household that isn't mine, a body that has weakened over time, a mind I cannot fully control, and far too many responsibilities to juggle, beyond what my brain is capable of handling. Responsibilities that belong to other people who have long since checked out on them, and the eternal struggle to not give up on personal dreams.

Well aware, I am not alone on this

I believe there are many people in the throes of similarly difficult family/career struggles, and I do wish I could be reading about it. Everyone in this country seems so prideful and arrogant that we only highlight success. That veneer of 'success' that just doesn't quite tell the full story.

We keep our internal struggles quiet, too ashamed to speak on the myriad of things holding us back, on the things that are internally destroying us, the challenges far too unsurmountable to overcome without help.

So much shame in asking for help, as we are preconditioned that way, by the last 3 generations that came before us. Those people who suffered the unimaginable hardships of early 20th century wars, learned to internalize these horrors quietly- a mentality necessary for getting through the dark times, but wrongfully interpreted! As such, those very same generations also grew irrational impatience with the modern struggles of their offspring. They were too busy surviving, that there was no time for day-to-day living! They, came up with the misguided notion of wearing trauma as a badge of honor, and so, we must NEVER ASK FOR HELP. This is an illogical, foolish notion!

I say, this, is plainly stupid. STUPID.

Drowning in fear and shame is very stupid. Placing pride above your very need for survival is fucking stupid! There is just no other way to say it.

Lack of communication within families is killing the American way of life. No coincidence we rely on open and honest communication and support from complete strangers, when we cannot even come to rely on our own family members, it's become so sad. If you need help, ask for it. If you get turned away, ask others, and don't stop until you get answers.

There is a lot of value in learning from the mistakes of others. Trauma bonding, while very eye opening, should be treated as an important reference, but not as an emotional place to settle in, not conducive towards progress. Resolution is always life changing, and tantamount to progress.

There is also comfort in realizing struggle is not a concept to fear or ridicule, that undergoing it is a natural part of life, as we all experience it in some form. We are all in this together, this life struggle, even if it feels like we are alone.

Truth be told, I have never learned anything from perfection, nor the fear of failure.

Failure, is exactly how we learn.

Falling, and scraping our knees is exactly how we learn to walk upright. Shaming people for failing is wrong. We should all get in the habit of openly discussing our challenges, from where we get stuck, to sharing solutions. I believe this is why Reddit is full of so many questions from people who are stuck.

This is the major reason I document my struggles getting through this newfound career. Not to gloat, beg, or whine about my life, but so that others may see, that despite 'life' trampling on your plans, or delaying them for whatever reason, you can still find your way back to the path.

I know others have worn the much too tight shoes of struggle, and despaired in the darkness of solitude, myself included. But if there are many more unsure people out there trying to get their writing off the ground, or any other dreams, remember it's not impossible. Hope is a thing! It illuminates the path in abject darkness.

There have been people to drop out of college due to having kids, then go back and get their degree later, so it is not impossible, just more challenging. It is 100% possible, with some creative juggling/financing, and supportive friends. I know, I personally know people who have dropped out of college then complete their degree years later.

When I was 19, there was a 55 year old dental surgeon in my master's illustration class, also learning industrial design. He said he wanted a career change, and this dude was plenty wealthy from his medical career already. So when you know, you know. And if you already know, and feel it in your bones that it's time for major change, every bump in the road isn't a thing that will completely stop you.

Some people are naturally hard wired to fulfill a mission in life.

Some get there faster, others later.

For those that want it bad enough, 'life' will not stop you, just slow you down. And that's temporary. Please remember that. ✔