OnyxTowers: March 2015

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Writer's Music

Music For Writing Books

Sometimes you need to chill. You can't write with all this damn noise buzzing about!
Shut off that annoying vibrating cell phone.
Turn the tablet OFF.
In fact, now's a good time to charge these devices.
Shut off the Xbox. Playstation. Nintendo DS.
The TV.
Dim those lights. Keep desklight on.
The only thing that should be turned on right now, is your computer, notebook, wordprocessor, typewriter, or whatever you use to type out those stories.
Last but not least, put on noise-cancelling headphones on. Not earbuds, but headphones. Trust me, you don't want to hear the landscapers buzzing outside your window, or the ambulance or squealing kids playing outdoors.

Next, you need a warm cup of tea, something soothing perhaps. Or decaf coffee. Nothing overtly caffeinated, unless you're on deadline of course!

Below, a few of my favorites:

And one more thing...
I highly, HIGHLY, recommend a beverage warmer. Because what's gonna happen is that you're so engrossed with your typing, you forget about your beverage. And it sits there getting cold.
As you can see, I have one. It's a tad worn. Had it since 2012 and it only cost like $8.00 so definitely a great purchase. Especially on snowy cold days.

Ok, you got your beverage, now for the tunes...

Where To Find Music For Writing

There's plenty of places on the internetz. There are easy ways to find them. Here's a few:

Free web radio
streaming music playlists
your own digital music collection
YouTube playlists. Here's one I usually listen to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWfLasDNONI
iTunes, Amazon App Store, or Google Play. Look up apps with the following words: concentration, meditation, mood, relaxing, radio
The new Youtube Music app that came out in 2018: https://www.youtube.com/yt/music/index.html?locale=US

How To Find Music For Writing

Simply put into a search engine (Google, or whatever you use) the following 3 words:

writer's music playlist

And you'll see all the fun stuff that comes up. Wowee!

Recommended Websites For Free Writer's Music Streaming

So here's a couple of FREE websites that work for me:

So when you click the links, always look for the type of genre of music that you like to listen to. Or put keywords within the website's search. Enjoy, and happy writing!

Monday, March 23, 2015

How To Copyright On Ebooks Wattpad

When You Copyright Books Or Stories

There are several things writers need to know about copyright when it comes to writing books. I'll briefly run down the list so you can understand the basics, but you'll have to do the in-depth research yourself.

*Please read the disclaimer at the very bottom of the post before you read on.

1. Copyright limitations vary from country to country

Don't kid yourself into thinking that if you copyright your book in the United States, that it's protected elsewhere. Some countries honor United States copyright, some don't. Every country has a copyright variation with different restrictions. For more info, read https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Commons:Copyright_rules_by_territory

2. Copyright typically lasts 70 years before it becomes public domain

That's about when most ~~authors~~ people outlive their mortality. (morbid, I know) Some folks set up an estate for this, to handle the re-registration process, or leave it to loved ones to continue the copyright. If not, the work ends up going to public domain.

A good example is J.R.R. Tolkien's estate. Had the copyright not continued, his works would've gone to public domain, free for all to read. So today, you have to pay to read his books, where the book rights are controlled.

3. What can be copyrighted

According to the copyright.gov website, basically the following:

And click on this link for further details: http://www.copyright.gov/eco/help-limitation.html

4. Copyrighted works created after January 1, 1978 are protected for 70 years after the death of the creator

For more information in detail, check out https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copyright

5. Copyright infringement

The reason to get your work officially registered with the copyright office, is in the case of litigation, where somebody plagiarizes your work, then you can provide authenticated proof of registration before a court of law. So you can sue for damages. Or, they lie and claim that you stole the story from them. They can counter-sue you; it's rare, but it can happen.

Infringement begins when it it discovered. One must file within the 3 years after infringement, lest you risk getting awarded for damages. But this rule varies from state to state.

If you win, most state courts award statutory damages in “not less than $750 or more than $30,000 as the court considers just.”

You can publish without actual official registration of your copyright, but without registration, cases like those are mighty difficult to prove.

For more info on copyright limitations, you may want to read this: http://law.freeadvice.com/intellectual_property/copyright_law/copyright_statute_limitations.htm

6. Copyright registration fee costs $35

There's different fees for the type of copyright you need, but the minimum starts at $35.00. http://www.copyright.gov/docs/fees.html

And that's the basics. Unless you're ready to upload to a self-publishing platform, this step may be overkill for now.

Posting Copyright On Wattpad

The Wattpad community seems loyal and quite insular. They seem like they got each other's backs. Case in point, the plagiarism of Ancient Guardians book series (go here to read about the kerfuffle) where some anonymous person uploaded the entire free ebook to their Wattpad profile and passed it off as their own, only to be outted by a loyal Wattpad reader, who in turn notified the actual author.

Did you think you were gonna get away with plagiarism? You fool!

But such cases are rare, and one should never be apprehensive of putting their material out there for the world to see. After all, how the hell are you gonna get noticed if you don't display your work?

I've got a few Wattpad stories to read in my account. I've noticed that some do and don't bother putting up a copyright disclaimer. My guess is that, because once you post a story, Wattpad puts the little ( C ) symbol on the right-hand side for you. But still, some folks put the disclaimer up regardless. I suppose I'm one of them. Anyway, here's an example:

Here's the other thing about Wattpad. You can create a story in it, but you cannot copy & paste text. The platform does not allow for it. I suppose that's to deter infringement from trafficking out, which is awesome. But like the above case of plagiarism, it does not prevent it from coming in.

So if you reeeeeeeally like that story of yours, write it in your computer's text editor software and make a backup copy before uploading to Wattpad, preferably to a cloud drive or an external hard drive. Because shit happens all the time, and computer get virus' and malware, and inevitably crash to irreparable oblivion.

Wattpad doesn't really have much information on copyright, which I found strange. I had to search the site with a fine toothed comb, and all I came up with was titled:

How to create a copyright for your story :)

It's a Wattpad read, submitted by a Wattpad user named Ariel. It's written in 4 parts. (which are 4 pages to the non-Wattpad person) That direct link will only show up for registered users, so sign up if you plan on using Wattpad. Or sign in if already a member.

Now, the easiest way to find a copyright disclaimer is to Google the following 3 words: copyright sample disclaimer

Or look it up in whatever search engine you use. I personally prefer DuckDuckGo, but that's just me.
Now there are several variations on these disclaimers, simply because they are all tailored to the subject matter.

So a fiction book with have a section talking about

'similarities to any real persons is purely coincidental'

whereas a self-help book will have a section like

'neither author nor any other person be held liable for any damages that may result from following counsel of this book'.

One must seek the best fit for that books' genre and/or subject matter.

Things that should be inserted within the disclaimer (as told by Ariel):

valid email address
company name if you have one, or your name with the trademark symbol
valid website address of author and/or publisher
the actual copyright and/or trademark symbols;
© and ™, and if trademark is registered, then ®

And that's pretty much what I know thus far. I already made my own custom template for my brand of stories. Happy Googling everybody!

*The text posted above was strictly for entertainment purposes only, not to be purported to qualify or substitute any real legal advice. Please seek legal counsel regarding any serious questions about copyright and intellectual properties, as the author and writer of this blog/website has no actual legal background or any such legal credentials. The author and writer of this article and bog/website does not take any responsibility in the actions or decisions regarding any one person's acquisition and posting of a copyright disclaimer; you agree by reading this article that you the reader, claim sole responsibility when you choose to put any disclaimers in your authored works. By reading the article posted above, you agree not to indemnify or hold the author of this article responsible in any way, legal or otherwise, and you agree to assume all responsibility regarding the posting of any copyright disclaimers to any such works that you create.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Where To Find Kindle Free Ebooks

///Updated due to algorithm change in store: Nov. 26, 2017///

I was going to make more blog posts about seo and monetization. But the whole premise of this blog is to talk about writing and books.
So!
Now what's better than some average ebook?

Free Kindle Ebooks On Amazon

I know what you're thinking. Go to the Amazon store and type in FREE in the search bar, right?

WRONG.
Because all that's going to do, is bring up all the free books under the Kindle Unlimited deal. Amazon is a for-profit business, so of course they're going to push forward KU books. Which are only available to Amazon Prime members. For members only, who paid for that subscription service.

And if you're not a member, you'll be charged whatever the price is on that ebook.

I'll show you how to to it easily, but you have to go step by step.

Before you go through these steps, please note:

All books get sent to your Kindle device. They look like this: https://amzn.to/2GHm6kR

Have an active Amazon account. If not, go create one: https://amzn.to/1qk7s2Y

If you don't have an actual Kindle device, you can download the Amazon Kindle software for PC computer: https://amzn.to/2q569On

Android phone or tablet: https://amzn.to/2JuKatm

Mac or iPhone: https://amzn.to/2HiMwe2

Done? Then let's get some FREE Amazon Kindle ebooks!

1. Sign in to your Amazon account

First and foremost, sign in. Because once you do, all books will be sent to your Amazon account. Without an Amazon account, you will get squat. Nothing. Nada.

On the Amazon.com search bar, make sure you click that left side grey button to select Books, and narrow down your selection only to Kindle Store. Set it that way so it doesn't go looking at all corners of the giant Amazon store, pulling up search results you don't want.

For example: You want Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, not the Harry Potter DVD of the book by the same name.

2. In the Amazon search bar, Select Books on the left drop-down menu, then type the following exactly: 0.00

Very important that you type it that way. '0.00' (minus apostrophes) Because that means zero dollars and zero cents.

When you go through this step, go very slowly. You want to double check that the price next to the book actually reads
Kindle Price: $0.00
and does NOT read
Kindle Unlimited $0.00 or $0.99 or some other arbitrary price number. (see below) otherwise, you're on the hook for whatever price they sell it at.

This works on Amazon United States. For other countries, set the local currency to all zeros. So for Amazon U.K. it should read as £0.00 and such.

3. Get the book in an Amazon store that is not in the United States

BE AWARE: The same FREE ebook in the American Amazon store (www.Amazon.com) will not be FREE in the British Amazon store (www.Amazon.co.uk)

Book release dates are set by foreign publications rights, which are limited. So one book can be released early in one country, while taking months to be launched in another.

Here is an example:

Both stores are considered separate entities, therefore your American login information will not work in the British store, and vice versa.
Same goes for the Canadian Amazon store, the Japanese Amazon store, etc.

How To Switch Countries On Amazon

Scroll down to the very bottom of the Amazon store to switch to your country of choice:

4. Get the book

Before you get that book, go to the right side of the screen inside that green box. It has a drop-down menu with options. Those options are the places Kindle will send your book to. You can send it to your Kindle PC software, to Kindle Cloud for storage, or in my case, to my Kindle Android device which I set it to. Do this now.

Now you can get your free ebook!

To acquire the book, click on the orange button on the right hand side that says Buy now with 1-Click™ *. Don't be afraid, it's not actually going to charge you money for it. It just means that this particular shopping cart transaction is now completed, letting you know you finally have your book sent to your Kindle eReader, or Kindle software you installed on your tablet.

If it worked properly, this is the next page you should see:

The book should be included in your Kindle library now.

5. Check your summary statement

Since the View a summary of your order button is there, let's take a look at it.
Clicking on it will ask you for your password, then this screen shows up:

Oh look, everything is zeros. That's exactly what we want.

And if you take a look on the right hand side, there's a button that allows you to Need to print an invoice? so you can indeed print a hard copy for your own records. I'm not sure how long Amazon holds onto this information but I do keep my own copy for myself, in the rare event of a computer glitch.
Always keep proof of transactions!

Why does Amazon give away free ebooks? Is it a scam?

It's completely legit. Sometimes a publisher chooses to give away a free ebook outside of the Kindle Unlimited deal because they haven't signed up for KU. KU is for members only; one must as a reader or an author, sign up for it to get/give specials and discounted books for participants only. But not everybody signs up for KU, it's voluntary.

Sidenote: KU has received mixed reviews by some authors. Some say it's advantageous while others comment mixed reviews. It's always best to review the fine print and evaluate before signing up.

Why do authors give away free ebooks on Amazon?

Some authors who aren't signed up for KU simply give away a free ebook anyway for one purpose: To hook in a reader.

That first book in a long series will keep them coming back for more. So! 1st book is free, and the rest of the series costs money to purchase. Wider demographic exposure. Plain logic. Everybody wins!

One more thing...

Just because a book is free for 2 months doesn't mean it will be in 3 months. These freebie offers are often fleeting, so if there's a book you really want, and you said to yourself Still looking, I'll come back later then chances are, it may not be there when you return. Take is as you go, because availability is not always guaranteed.

And that's pretty much all there is to it. Happy book downloading!

* (this is Amazon's trademark; all their rights reserved.)

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Picking a blog platform

Which blog platform is the best?

Blogger reminds me a lot of Windows. Completely customizable, but not for the average novice. It's made to look easy, with their Layout button. As if you can easily add and insert code and be done with it.

But it's not. In fact, it's completely overwritten by whichever blog template you use. Sometimes it'll work with your template, sometimes it won't, ending up conflicting with the code, turning it into an unusable mess. So you better hope & pray that you have some beginner's knowledge of HTML/ CSS.

I actually do have a Wordpress blog elsewhere, and that's far more easier to customize with the buttons and layout. It's pretty much the Apple of blogs, like they do everything for you. Easy squeezy. The only issue I take with it is that, you're stuck with whatever free layouts they provide. They won't allow you to change any code or add to it unless you pay for a subscription to their service. Forget about adding AdSense, 'cuz unless you pay for their service, it's a no-go. Suffice to say, I never monetized it.

Which is why I'm starting off on free Blogger.

Also, Blogger is owned by Google, so whatever you post on it gets easily picked up by their search engine. They also offer free tools to help ease the conversion rate of all your blog content. Why? Because you're providing free content for their search engine to pick up on. More content = more revenue for them. Your success = their success.

Blogging Versatility

The ideal blog is the one you can customize easily. The one that allows for easy conversion. That allows you to post by mobile from anywhere. Has tight security features. Easy to apply ads of your choosing.

In truth, as time goes on, you will have to spend some money on these services as most charge some money. Once you make some good money on your free site, then you upgrade to a paid site like Wordpress.

Take note: blogs must be accommodating of SEO or else, it's all for nothing. I'm saying, if you have the cash to spare, definitely make your life easier and get a paid, premium blog service. Save yourself the countless hours spent on learning CSS tutorials because if you wanna make money soon, you're not gonna have that kind of time.

Types of blog platforms

Here are all the other blog platforms that I know of:

Blogger
Wordpress
Tumblr
Typepad
Livejournal
Weebly
Wix
Posterous only now it is defunct
Medium started by Twitter founders; integrates with Twitter seamlessly
Blog the free version of wordpress, but covered in ads
Squarespace not free; lowest plan begins @ $8.-
Postach.io which is Evernote's blog service. Also not free
Ghost which was Kickstarter funded

If I've missed any, lemme know. I'm always on the watch for new products. Which blogs have you guys worked with?

Adding Widgets

What are widgets?

Widgets are those things you add to a website with info. The About Me section on the right sidebar, the social buttons, the Search bar...these are all widgets. And they all supply vital information.

More things I've added to my blog template to help increase exposure:

live feed visitors ticker
page views counter
favicon (the tiny image square on the browser tab next to my blog name)
RSS Feed subscriber form (for inbox notifications on new posts)
modified look for the mobile version
fixed Goodreads social button so it links out to my Goodreads profile

I've also added the sharing buttons feature, although that's not classified as a widget. I've positioned them at the end of blogposts for easy sharing.

Monday, March 16, 2015

How To Add Sharing Buttons

I've been reading up on current SEO as a refresher course for myself. Many years ago, I would fervently study up on the subject, even though I had no time to implement it. Today, I have time and the gusto to pursue this. Gotta monetize this blog with SEO! (Search Engine Optimization)

So to begin with, I signed up with Shareaholic to add sharing buttons to my site.

What are sharing buttons?

The buttons that you click on when you wanna share an article, or a funny image or animated gif. For example, you click on a Google Plus button on an article, and presto chango! It posts the link directly to your Google Plus profile. (provided you're already logged in to your Google Plus profile as you are doing this) So that all your friends on Google Plus can see how interesting it is.
It helps your information go viral all over the internet much faster than you can market it yourself. Letting other people share it is super helpful and faster.

Now, my free template already came with pre-loaded share buttons.
So why bother changing them, if my free blog template already supplies them? (see image below)

Because the ones that came already built-in with this free template, were put there by the dude who constructed that template. These particular buttons are supplied by Add This! In case you didn't know, every time those sharing buttons are clicked on, the author gets paid money. So in this case, this author is getting paid with his free template that he gives away for free. Despite that this blog is displaying my name, my web address and my personal blog posts, he gets paid every time one of you clicks on a share button.

Well screw that! I want the money! It's my blog, after all!

So I just change it. After all, the template is customizable.

How to add sharing buttons

So this is what we have now:

Forget whatever you see in your personal Shareaholic settings or you'll just get confused. Go directly to this page:

http://support.shareaholic.com/hc/en-us/categories/200102423-Getting-Started

**NOTE!** Before you continue, if you have privacy plugins, please go into each one and Whitelist the Shareaholic site. Otherwise the changes will not save.

Next, pick the blogging platform you use. For myself, this is a Blogger blog, so that's the one I choose.

After it is filled correctly, this is how it should look:

Right there in the center, where you see the Get Setup Code tab, click it.
This will show up:

And so, I follow the instructions precisely. It tells me to drop in that code right before the </head> tag in my template HTML code:

That looks good! So paste it, then click the Save button at the top.
The notice below the cut & paste code said the following:

Once you include the above code on onyxtowers.blogspot.com, you can make edits to your app configurations and they will be updated automatically on your website — no need to touch code again!

Well that's good! I'd have to hate to fiddle with code tweaking each and every single time I need to make one little change.

So the next thing is, you gotta verify your site. This means your code changes have been acknowledged. More importantly, you can adjust your buttons on your Shareaholic account easily.

So on your Website Tools Dashboard there, click the big blue Verify Site button.

After verification, it should look like this:

Amazing!
We're almost done here...

Set up Share Buttons

Now we have to add Shareaholic to the posts by setting up the Share Buttons.
We now go to https://www.shareaholic.com/publisher_tools. This takes you right back to Website Publisher Tools. Scroll down the page, then click on Add App Location:

Select the Share Buttons option. Now you can see your buttons and modify them in real time. Give your buttons a Name there at the top. When you're done, just click the big blue Save button at the bottom of the page.

Done & done!
So from now on, if you want to add, change, or subtract particular buttons, you just sign into your Shareaholic account, go to your dashboard, go to Locations and click on the Name you gave your buttons. Then you make your changes.

Now, like I said in previous posts, all templates are different. Shareaholic gives you detailed instructions where you can find the post header within your HTML code, in order to deposit the snippet of code necessary to activate your buttons. On my particular template, all I did was find the previous Add This button code that I wanted to replace, and simply swapped it with the one Shareaholic supplied me with.

This is how I did it on my Blogger site...

I went into the HTML to edit the code. Which looks like this:

And in this mess, this is the Add This code I'm about to replace:

I need to get my code snippet. So in my Shareaholic dashboard, I go to the share buttons that I named, (or whatever Name you gave yours) and click on the '</>' icon like so.

And this window pops up with the code I need.

I copy & paste it right into my Blogger HTML section of code where the Add This code used to be.
So now it looks like this:

Hit the Save button and we're done!
So!
Did it work?
Let's take a look at the before & afters:

A resounding YES! Success!
And that's it. But I should mention if you want to get paid for every click share, you need to put your Paypal email address in your Shareaholic account to link it up. That's all there is to it.
I tested it by sharing one of the blog posts to my Pinterest (log in to Pinterest first) and it worked smoothly.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Adjusting my free blog template

The look & feel of a website is integral to marketing. So I'm gonna customize the shit out of my blog.

I downloaded a free Blogger template. Because the one's Google provides kinda suck ass. I mean, they look exactly like the one's they provided when they first purchased Blogger back in the mid 2000's. You think a billion dollar company could offer better solutions, like their profitable rival Wordpress. Also, their free templates don't come preloaded with social buttons. (in this age, that's marketing suicide)

Here's the one I downloaded. This is what it looked like when I first got it:

And here it is after I got a hold of it and tweaked the CSS/HTML:

THANK GOD that I still remembered how to do light coding! As much as I hate it, it helped in this situation.
The problem with free templates is, that it takes a fair amount to adjust them and get them right, enough to accommodate your needs.Templates that you pay for generally don't have these problems, as they are already made for easy adjustments. Me, I don't have the ca$h for that, so I do this by hand. No bells & whistles. I don't need flashy flare, just the basics.

Notice my social buttons aren't the same ones that came pre-loaded with the template. I had to create 2 additional buttons: the Goodreads and the Wattpad ones. And the buttons had to change the web addresses where they linked out to. I set it to the front page of each, as I have yet to set accounts to them. (too busy reformatting this template) I will talk more about that in a separate post.

The top template has the Header title tag image, that reads Bloggermint. (where I got the template from) In reality, the letters are opaque and the rest of it is transparent. But the image is only about 400+ pixels in length. They did that on purpose, in order to leave room for a clickable ad image to be placed on the right-hand side. Such ads bring in revenue. This is something I will do at some point, but not right away. So for now, I extended the pixel length to 900+ pixels to show my title image in full length.

The navbar had more clickable tabs, but I removed the excess for now. The top template ends with the 'How To' tab, while mine ends with the 'RSS Feed' tab.

So yea, on & off, it took about 4 days, including a trip down the coding memory lane. So far, so good.
I like to think it's Chuck approved ;-)

'Murrica!

Friday, March 13, 2015

1st Post! March 11, 2015 - Why I Write

Last time I had a Blogger blog, was 4yrs back.

Good lord! A lot's changed in that time!

I have nothing poignant to state. I enjoy reading when I can make time for it, but, I am not a bookophile. Nor am I an English lit major.

I was an art major, and proud of it.

I began writing because of my ADHD, when I was only diagnosed a month before my very last semester at university. A tad late in the game, I must confess.

Simply put, I have a lot of noise inside my head, and I need to empty it out. Like clearing the cache out on your browser.

Being an impoverished Latino kid, I had no idea what ADHD was. Mental issues were what rich people had, not us though! That is, until my 'white' college classmates who had it went on to explain to me the benefits of Ritalin. How without it, they'd never complete their tasks and the fear that they'd drop out of our hideously expensive college due to lack of completion.

I asked one of them, "So theoretically speaking, if you stopped taking these pills tomorrow...what would happen?"
Friend: "I'd never finish my painting. (we went to art school) I'd pick up this thing, (a pencil holder) drink all my orange juice. I'd forget about that thing, or where I put it. Then I'd pick up the remote and watch television for days. Then I'd wander around campus; forget my class schedule. Probably fail out of my classes for non-attendance. Then I'd get back to finishing my painting. Then I'd get distracted again."

Sounded like the whole of my life.
This damn thing plagued my life, from the cradle to the present. Good grades, despite poor execution. Lot's of A's and just as many C's. (because I didn't/ couldn't finish) My teacher stated this and I knew she was right. Back then, we chalked it up to a lack of discipline.

In our public school system, it was unheard of. I had no such 'help'. I just saw my classmates getting ahead with pills and therapy while I got left behind. It was time for affirmative action! So! I took inventory of my own sad state, perused through my healthcare provider's thick-ass book of listed professionals, combing the psych section, and began dialing psychiatrists in the greater New York City area.

Evidently, there was a widespread stigma at the time about ADHD. About how it was laughed at by many health care professionals. How generally the whole of the public didn't think it was real, and all in your head. Which explained why I never got my many phone calls returned by any of these shrinks.
"Just do your homework!"; "Stop doodling and pay attention!"; "Quit looking out the window!"; these repetitive messages became ingrained in my mind from an early age. None of which helped.

I made the classic mistake of confiding in a close friend, also a non-believer, about how my thoughts are so intrusive that I cannot get any work done to completion.

"So what? That happens to me too!" says Ms.3.5 GPA/ Dean's List, with impeccable grades to tout.
"No dude, it's like 16 television sets are turned on inside my fucking brain, and I can't watch all of them, so I take in 3 min. of each channel and move on to the next." This was my response. Often. To many loved ones.

Many years later she would tell me in conversation that a close family member has it, and how serious it all is. Yet she had forgotten that I had professed my own condition to her, which she wrote off like it was nothing. Seriously?!

I mean, if it's bad enough if you can't even do one goddamn thing and see it through (like READING ONE PAGE OF ANYTHING, like my cable bill?!) so you know it's high time to see a doctor!

Well, when I finally pegged down one psychiatrist, I recounted my experiences briefly during that 1st meeting. I told her that I had suspected I had ADD. She shook her head, and told me that I didn't have it. Rebuffed! And hey, let's schedule a meet for next week.
Next week turned into 10 weeks.
By the end of which she told me that I did in fact, have ADHD.
We both agreed not to have me take funny pills, as they all do have strong side effects. She recommended I get myself organized.

Organize my room.
Organize my schedule.
Ultimately organize my thoughts.
Learn to sift through all that mishmash of information.

Well it worked! I tossed my junkmail. I cleaned my bedroom. Regularly threw out the trash & recycling. I gave away what I didn't want anymore, including that homemade coffee table.
My room was now dust free, clutter free.
Less crowding meant stress, meant less anxiety.

Still, it didn't fix the ADHD problem, just alleviated it a little.
Now this was to become the culmination for many lifelong issues I began enduring...

Life! It gets in the way!

I made the mistake of prematurely moving in with my lover, who was the messiest, most disorganized person ever.
This added stress back into my life.
And mess.
Our apartment transformed into a shitstack of strewn papers and littered coat hangers that formed patterns upon the wooden floors.
It did not help. Organization goes right down the drain.

Other things that didn't help: chasing people down for freelance money; getting priced out of our neighborhoods; a landlord that went M.I.A. and left our building to go into foreclosure (nobody knew); layoffs; fewer and fewer jobs appearing even with calling in all favors; scam bill collectors; getting mugged; health issues; friends who aren't there for you because they'd rather go out and get drunk during your time of need; indifference...

I moved several times during this relationship, which ended a few traumatic years later. During these years, I had accomplished nothing worth of merit. My art had taken a backseat, as crises of import kept taking center stage. Life knocked me down so hard on my ass, many more times. But I had zero time for my art, as I was immersed in my lover's endless problems and my own growing depression. Years wasted. For nothing.

My art was my passion, and now it laid by the wayside, like a forgotten dream upon waking...
Too melodramatic?

Moved back home because, fuck! Nowhere else to go in my destitute, and emotionally shaky state of mind. The culmination of stress, stress, more stress, sprinkled with failure and regrets. A big side order of self-doubt, to go!

Moving back home was supposed to be temporary. And I knew that if I did, I'd get mixed up in my family's shenanigans. Things you don't want to involve yourself in, because you can't look away, or walk away from oncoming disaster.

It was every bit the big mistake I knew it would turn out to be.

I returned with a bruised ego, feeling like the biggest loser in the world. Penniless, and with a broken spirit and psyche to match. Jobless and loveless. By this point in my life, I realized I had made the classic mistake of having given my entire worth to another person out of love, such that, when it came to an end I had nothing left to give anybody.
My worth disappeared.
Who was I?
I had lost my identity in the process.
What did I want out of life? I don't know anymore?!

I had no idea who I was anymore. I was a walking zombie.

Everything felt unreal. Noises, people talking, paying for train fare...nothing was real. It all felt like watching a vignette of some character's life on a movie screen.
Disconnection.
If I moved my arm, I could not process the moving of said arm, nor could I feel air resistance swirling around it.
Unreal. That I could not feel anything.
And throughout that horrible life transition, I did finally make my way back home, tail between legs. A place I swore in a million years I'd never return to.

Once home, I plummeted into the depths of despair. ADHD be damned!

It's difficult not to feel like a victim of circumstance when life knocks you down so often.

Early life crisis!

But in those days, smiling was forced and strained. Keeping a positive attitude seemed like a farce, and I was the cruel joke. I had lost my social graces, as most folks do when living in isolation. So if I talked on the phone with a friend, I sounded like some crazy person talking out the side of their ass.
While I managed to wrangle a temp job, which was amazingly stressful, the boss didn't renew my contract by the end of my trial period. To be honest, I had no patience for that job, and it dawned on me later, that it was much too soon to return to the world of 9-5 since I was a psychological mess. That I was let go didn't faze me. However, the resulting feelings of failure culminated into the shit cherry, on top of the crap cake that was my life at that point.

I quit smiling altogether. I took to the bottle.
I took to several bottles in fact, including the cooking sherry.

I completely went into shut down; 1st socially, then mentally, physically, and lastly, emotionally.

Unsurprisingly, I spent those days seeing the bottom of many wine bottles, and somehow discovered blogging and Twitter in the process. (this was the beginning of social media in 2008) Hiding in my family home's childhood bedroom, never seeing daylight for weeks. Growing pale and desolate, I convinced myself that my family would find me soon, turned into a dessicated mummy in my bedroom. One that wasted away due to ennui, like some sordid story to end in the 'weird' section of the newspaper.

My weight plummeted to dangerous lows...think Christian Bale in The Machinist. Lowest point in my life, and I dare not repeat the morose thoughts in my head at the time, out of a sense of tremendous shame.

(a whole bunch of weird shit happened in between that knocked me out of my dark state, but I'll save that for another post ;-))

Fast track to a few more years later...

I lifted myself out of the darkness and rediscovered my spirituality and my faith. Began an online store selling tshirt designs. It made me a bit of money, but not enough yet to get out of the financial crap hole I fell into. There's a new lover in my life now. And I made new friends.

Now I take care of my elderly folks, of whom have a wide array of health complications. I juggle it with my store responsibilities, but it seems family needs keep coming first. The juggle is a constant struggle for the ADHD person.

I forgot to mention, that while I was in university I bought a book on ADHD. It had some very real, sobering facts about this condition, with test results on subjects done over a 30 year period: that many are faced with poor life prospects, some of which fall hard into addictions and a life of crime. I was not only disappointed in learning this, but I made a decision not to allow myself to fall prey to such things. That despite the economic downturn of the endless war in the middle east, and they damn real estate crash, that I'd never lose my flame of passion again.

Shit happens, and we cannot afford to get sidetracked.

I've yet to forgive myself for allowing my self-doubt, the drama of fools, and less than virtuous people who doused it in the first place.

And with that, a promise never to allow myself to fall any further.

It's not accurate to summarize my life as a failed adult.

Rather, I'm not done failing just yet!

You gotta fail several times before you finally get successful! Now that I feel like I'm closer to my goals more so than ever before, I got a feeling this can be achieved. Life isn't so cluttered or hopeless as it once felt. And I've streamlined my life and cleaned it all up; spiritually, mentally, physically. So!
Onward, we go!

A very interesting thing mentioned in the book: that a vitamin rich in omega-3 fatty amino acids helped 'calm' down symptoms of ADHD. So off to the health food store I went! Supposedly the omega-3's feed the brain the same amino acids that developing fetus' need to grow into healthy babies. It is found in flax seed oil capsules (for vegans) and fish oil capsules.
My eye doctor also recommended it to help heal my dry-eye symptoms. I gotta tell ya, it does work for my eyes. Also, after some time of introducing them in my diet, I did notice I was exceedingly alert. Like caffeine alert. I lost some weight.
But it had another side effect...

IT GIVES ME CRAZY-VIVID DREAMS.

Things so crazy, I can't make this shit up! And some I've written into notebooks. The ones I can remember, I just memorize.

One of those was the entire story plot for my current book!

Today, I find myself writing a story. I'm not doing vampires, werewolves, teen romance, zombies, dystopia, or any myriad of popular topics. Boring! I'm writing the story I saw in my dream, and that's that.

Currently, I am at 286 pages. Let's see where this crazy train goes.

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