Reasons for not finishing your novel:
Let's talk about PARALYSIS ANALYSIS.
-Well what the heck is that?!
Behold! A visual representation that accurately depicts this hell:
And here is Wikipedia's definition verboten:
Analysis paralysis or paralysis by analysis is an anti-pattern, the state of over-analyzing
(or over-thinking) a situation so that a decision or action is never
taken, in effect paralyzing the outcome. A decision can be treated as
over-complicated, with too many detailed options, so that a choice is
never made, rather than try something and change if a major problem
arises. A person might be seeking the optimal or "perfect" solution upfront, and fear making any decision which could lead to erroneous results, while on the way to a better solution.[1]
My paralysis analysis occurs when I have 46 giant thoughts all trying to filter through an escape hatch the size of a amoeba. And like a filter, getting caught, usually someplace between my synapses, my tongue, and my keyboard.
I have trouble just trying to describe my ideas. Usually comes out like warbled, broken sentences. It's embarrassing, is what it is.
Since I type faster than I talk, many of my ideas miraculously make it into .txt documents. Praise baby Jesus for modern tech!
Sometimes I use the Voice Recorder function on my cell phone to jot ideas when I can't reach other mediums. That also works.
My paralysis analysis occurs when I have 46 giant thoughts all trying to filter through an escape hatch the size of a amoeba. And like a filter, getting caught, usually someplace between my synapses, my tongue, and my keyboard.
I have trouble just trying to describe my ideas. Usually comes out like warbled, broken sentences. It's embarrassing, is what it is.
Since I type faster than I talk, many of my ideas miraculously make it into .txt documents. Praise baby Jesus for modern tech!
Sometimes I use the Voice Recorder function on my cell phone to jot ideas when I can't reach other mediums. That also works.
Now I've known many people whose anxiety is so off the charts they're basically discovering new moons orbiting unclaimed star systems just within Hubble telescope's view range. An entire diamond planet? How much you wanna bet some seriously anxious nutcase with no social life found that gem? (pun intended)
But seriously, in my head, it's all colorful monkey chatter 24hrs a day! There was a time when I remember being fully normal once, I swear it! And I used to think clearly, enough for me to get things done like a normal human being. But it's as if one day, God decided to turn on the spigot of creativity ON FULL BLAST. Either to challenge me or to f--k with me, I will never know. It's been set to Ludicrous Speed ever since, and trust me, it's been all random rainbow-pegasus-zebras galloping through, storming in me brain!
WHEEE!
My brain runs away with me.
When it comes to forming ideas, I just don't run out.I admit, that I am an unusual case. Thus I cannot understand when some writers say they get writer's block. I form stories upon stories...I form stories as I blankly gaze at people's faces when they talk to me. I daydream stories; I cook up stories while I wash dishes; while I rake leaves; while I mince garlic; while I shampoo my hair; while I empty out the dryer...
I just looked at my new stories folder on my desktop. I came up with 4 different stories since my last blog post. Add that to the others. I have enough to keep me preoccupied to the end of 2016, seriously. And that's due to my busy brain.
No shit, that's what it feels like! Like a koala took a rainbow crap in my brain!
You really think a person like me can hold a regular 9-5 job anymore? Hell to da NO. And I used to work on Wall St., no joke.
I used to be organized...
What, the hell happened!?
Well, the monkey chatter eventually drowned everything else out. Surprise bitch!
It got worse as I got older.
So, I decided to turn it into a money making venture.
Hence, writing!
Smart play.
Now that, is when it's a blessing.
And here is when it's a curse...
I can't finish projects to completion.
It was a miracle of God almighty that I had enough to complete NaNoWriMo. Without my To Do Lists, I can't get shit done. Fun fact: I have several To Do Lists. Does that sound like some marthastewart-gone-smoking-crack insanity? You bet! I even keep them all in a tidy folder:
I've been knocking some off the list recently, but with agonizingly slow pace.
I can't stand it!
I'm a person who just wants to GO ZOOOOOOOM! Hell, my 5 coffee cups a day is evident of that impatience! But sometimes you are held at the mercy of the elements...
I can't stand it!
I'm a person who just wants to GO ZOOOOOOOM! Hell, my 5 coffee cups a day is evident of that impatience! But sometimes you are held at the mercy of the elements...
Sometimes, that package you were waiting for is held up in customs. For God knows how long.
Sometimes, the story writing contest in January with the biggest payout and no entry fee just won't let you see the results UNTIL FUCKING END OF JUNE, are you kidding me?!
Sometimes, the book cover you design takes too damn long to create, because the software you use is from an old version and full of bugs. Hey, that line you just drew on screen? Doesn't render for about a full minute. And this software? Surprise motherf---r! It doesn't update!
So you have to go download the newest version, overwrite it over the last, restart the computer, and it's still loading slow because you forgot to use CCleaner to clear all the downloaded traces of crap slowing your computer, such as, your entire delightful browser history. Oh look, it saved every instance and cookie from EVERY SINGLE PIC YOU GLANCED AT IN PINTEREST. Awesome. Clear! Delete. Much.
Then do another restart!
Well eff you Onyx!
Then realize in this massive computer cleaning, that both your tablets have no malware prevention, so you seek to download an appropriate app for it.
Then you realize they're both in dire need of a recharge, but you only have one charger, 'cuz the other is European and u got no adapter! *sigh*
How long did that all take...4.5 hours? Now go get dinner started!
How about distractions?
Let's talk the
Cleaning/ putting things away/ cooking (from scratch; we are not a processed foods family)/ washing dishes/ avoiding the one parent with the Alzheimer's because she's on an up & down mood swing warpath/ cleaning up after dog/ feeding dog/ (it's not even my dog)/ finding a new vet/ finding a new dentist/ finding a new eye doctor for parent without Alzheimer's/ realizing their new insurance doesn't cover some procedures/ looking for other parent's new insurance card/ ordering one because who the hell knows where it went/ signing papers for insurance co. on behalf of parents/ looking up tutorial online on fixing leaky faucet/ doing my laundry/ doing everyone else's laundry/ cleaning bathrooms; plural/ logging into ISP and blocking out telemarketer calls/ vacuuming all floors/ making sure dog gets his medications/ cleaning out water filter...
Such a recipe for self-damnation.
And that's just in the month of January!
I still honestly do not know how people with small kids grow a writing career!
If any of you have gotten to that point, please email me. Let's talk.
My time management skillz are so clowny, and haphazard, and ridiculous that they just don't make any kind of sense. It'd be easier to drip various colored paints into water, mix them, then separate them. Ok, go!
For me, waaayy too easy!
It's another reason I prefer solitude this stage in my life. I don't have time to form a single thought, let alone complete my TDL's! Which translates into self disappointment. So I shut down. I hide under bed covers like some small child scared of the boogeyman.
Below is an eerily accurate depiction of me right at this very moment:
Except I take that exact moment, let everything go quiet, and begin emptying my brain. Usually I do this by rewriting my thoughts with something else, (Do I need to fold socks? Make another TDL? Or shut the hell up?!) or doing menial laborious tasks. I recently took that time to force myself to read downloaded ebooks. I can't even enjoy them, hilarious as they are, because I speed read through them just to complete a task. Just to complete one freaking task. Jeez.
Hmm...
Some folks characterize ADHD as a neurological dysfunction. Some will tell you that it's absolute made-up shit that some shrink said one time, to make money.
And here is Wikipedia's description.
Now I'm not a doctor, but I will say that, if WHATEVER this thing is, is so bad that it disrupts every aspect of my life the way it does, then yes, it is very much real! To me, anyway. I am afflicted! There, I said it! And I do admit to needing more guidance than most.
Well there it is! That's my problem, and I refuse to be ashamed by it, or limited by it any further. It is what it is, and I've made my peace with it this late in life.
Other writers have dependents too, usually young children. And nobody to help them with child care. Have you ever taken care of a small child? I have. And I was also happy to give it back to their father at the end of the day, cute as the baby was. Children are always like, Look at me! Play with me! Deceptively disarming with their small stature and sweet charms, they drain your energy, like cute little energy vampires.
Some writers are too nicey nice. They want to be very accommodating to every, single, person in the whole wide world. Vomit! Hey, your time has value too! WAKE UP. Wanna get rid of the needy freaks? Notify them you will ask for money for every time they need something from you. Say it with a serious face. Watch how quickly the parasites all disappear.
Some writers have physically ill or impaired family to care for. Work a day job, cook for nuclear family, then change adult diapers on nana? Nobody in the family wants to help? Screw those boneheads and their reasons! Now such a situation sucks ass (I'm in the same boat atm) and it's worse when outsiders belittle your efforts at writing, on top of all the stress you're already under. Oh, you have an opinion? Great! Well I want you to roll it up, roughly jam it up your rectum, crap it out, and repeat the process until you grow a human soul. Either help me, or stay out of my way. Cretin.
Some writers have soul-sucking jobs. While the pay isn't even worth it, yet they force themselves on a 2hr commute one way, stay after 6:30pm because of a prick boss, drive another 2hrs back home, to make it there by almost 9pm at night. By then, you're just dead of soul, and physically dead tired. Dinner? I'll just microwave this HotPocket for 5 min. and lie down until the microwave beeps.....*ZZZzzzz...
Some writers suffer depression. Feeling nothing but dread definitely kills ambition. You have my condolences and my deepest empathy if you are afflicted. Support groups are as easy as joining an online forum, for those of you too shy or nervous about seeking a psychiatrist. You are not alone! Remember, psychiatrists are professional doctors whom are paid to listen to all of your troubles unconditionally, in a safe non-judgemental environment. First step's always the hardest. Relief should never be an impossible ideal, but a solid reality.
Or maybe it's not serious clinical depression, but it's a dank darkness that's been lingering for a while. Either way, this is a great place to start looking for answers: https://www.7cups.com/
Some writers do drugs for a myriad of reasons. No explanation needed on how this impacts productivity.
For those of you who just feel an endless lack of ambition, you may consider seeing a doctor for a general checkup. It could be a simple matter of low levels of hormones. (they drop drastically after the age of 30)
Sometimes, the book cover you design takes too damn long to create, because the software you use is from an old version and full of bugs. Hey, that line you just drew on screen? Doesn't render for about a full minute. And this software? Surprise motherf---r! It doesn't update!
So you have to go download the newest version, overwrite it over the last, restart the computer, and it's still loading slow because you forgot to use CCleaner to clear all the downloaded traces of crap slowing your computer, such as, your entire delightful browser history. Oh look, it saved every instance and cookie from EVERY SINGLE PIC YOU GLANCED AT IN PINTEREST. Awesome. Clear! Delete. Much.
Then do another restart!
Well eff you Onyx!
Then realize in this massive computer cleaning, that both your tablets have no malware prevention, so you seek to download an appropriate app for it.
Then you realize they're both in dire need of a recharge, but you only have one charger, 'cuz the other is European and u got no adapter! *sigh*
How long did that all take...4.5 hours? Now go get dinner started!
How about distractions?
Let's talk the daily weekly monthly distraction.
Cleaning/ putting things away/ cooking (from scratch; we are not a processed foods family)/ washing dishes/ avoiding the one parent with the Alzheimer's because she's on an up & down mood swing warpath/ cleaning up after dog/ feeding dog/ (it's not even my dog)/ finding a new vet/ finding a new dentist/ finding a new eye doctor for parent without Alzheimer's/ realizing their new insurance doesn't cover some procedures/ looking for other parent's new insurance card/ ordering one because who the hell knows where it went/ signing papers for insurance co. on behalf of parents/ looking up tutorial online on fixing leaky faucet/ doing my laundry/ doing everyone else's laundry/ cleaning bathrooms; plural/ logging into ISP and blocking out telemarketer calls/ vacuuming all floors/ making sure dog gets his medications/ cleaning out water filter...Such a recipe for self-damnation.
And that's just in the month of January!
I still honestly do not know how people with small kids grow a writing career!
If any of you have gotten to that point, please email me. Let's talk.
My time management skillz are so clowny, and haphazard, and ridiculous that they just don't make any kind of sense. It'd be easier to drip various colored paints into water, mix them, then separate them. Ok, go!
It's hard to think.
When so many people clamor for your attention, dog included, it's hard to get on track. Once early this month, I was so frazzled that I wasn't able to form full sentences in conversation with my friend. He laughed, but I felt like a fool trying to explain myself. Bleah, bleah, pffftp! It's easy to come off sounding and acting like a complete loon, because getting tongue tied of mouth and brain is easy to do.For me, waaayy too easy!
It's another reason I prefer solitude this stage in my life. I don't have time to form a single thought, let alone complete my TDL's! Which translates into self disappointment. So I shut down. I hide under bed covers like some small child scared of the boogeyman.
Below is an eerily accurate depiction of me right at this very moment:
Except I take that exact moment, let everything go quiet, and begin emptying my brain. Usually I do this by rewriting my thoughts with something else, (Do I need to fold socks? Make another TDL? Or shut the hell up?!) or doing menial laborious tasks. I recently took that time to force myself to read downloaded ebooks. I can't even enjoy them, hilarious as they are, because I speed read through them just to complete a task. Just to complete one freaking task. Jeez.
We need to talk about why we don't finish novels.
I am absolutely fed up with this nonsense behavior. Most people will say that maybe I just need to live by a schedule. Or organize. Ok, tell that to someone who legitimately needs Adderall or Ritalin, but be sure to cut off their supply. See if they can manage their lives as adults then. Hey, how's that schedule thing going for you? Hmm, yea...that shit's not gonna work.Is this why many writers dabble in hard drinking?
Hmm...
Some folks characterize ADHD as a neurological dysfunction. Some will tell you that it's absolute made-up shit that some shrink said one time, to make money.
And here is Wikipedia's description.
Now I'm not a doctor, but I will say that, if WHATEVER this thing is, is so bad that it disrupts every aspect of my life the way it does, then yes, it is very much real! To me, anyway. I am afflicted! There, I said it! And I do admit to needing more guidance than most.
Well there it is! That's my problem, and I refuse to be ashamed by it, or limited by it any further. It is what it is, and I've made my peace with it this late in life.
Other reasons for not completing novels
We should seriously have an open and honest discussion as to all the factors that leave us with the novel that never was...
Some writers procrastinate. We all know this one...pick up a task, avoid it with writing, then avoid writing with another put-off task. Vicious cycle!
Other writers have dependents too, usually young children. And nobody to help them with child care. Have you ever taken care of a small child? I have. And I was also happy to give it back to their father at the end of the day, cute as the baby was. Children are always like, Look at me! Play with me! Deceptively disarming with their small stature and sweet charms, they drain your energy, like cute little energy vampires.
Some writers are too nicey nice. They want to be very accommodating to every, single, person in the whole wide world. Vomit! Hey, your time has value too! WAKE UP. Wanna get rid of the needy freaks? Notify them you will ask for money for every time they need something from you. Say it with a serious face. Watch how quickly the parasites all disappear.
Some writers have physically ill or impaired family to care for. Work a day job, cook for nuclear family, then change adult diapers on nana? Nobody in the family wants to help? Screw those boneheads and their reasons! Now such a situation sucks ass (I'm in the same boat atm) and it's worse when outsiders belittle your efforts at writing, on top of all the stress you're already under. Oh, you have an opinion? Great! Well I want you to roll it up, roughly jam it up your rectum, crap it out, and repeat the process until you grow a human soul. Either help me, or stay out of my way. Cretin.
Some writers have soul-sucking jobs. While the pay isn't even worth it, yet they force themselves on a 2hr commute one way, stay after 6:30pm because of a prick boss, drive another 2hrs back home, to make it there by almost 9pm at night. By then, you're just dead of soul, and physically dead tired. Dinner? I'll just microwave this HotPocket for 5 min. and lie down until the microwave beeps.....*ZZZzzzz...
Some writers suffer depression. Feeling nothing but dread definitely kills ambition. You have my condolences and my deepest empathy if you are afflicted. Support groups are as easy as joining an online forum, for those of you too shy or nervous about seeking a psychiatrist. You are not alone! Remember, psychiatrists are professional doctors whom are paid to listen to all of your troubles unconditionally, in a safe non-judgemental environment. First step's always the hardest. Relief should never be an impossible ideal, but a solid reality.
Or maybe it's not serious clinical depression, but it's a dank darkness that's been lingering for a while. Either way, this is a great place to start looking for answers: https://www.7cups.com/
Some writers do drugs for a myriad of reasons. No explanation needed on how this impacts productivity.
For those of you who just feel an endless lack of ambition, you may consider seeing a doctor for a general checkup. It could be a simple matter of low levels of hormones. (they drop drastically after the age of 30)
Stupid simple things you can do to focus
- Cardiovascular exercise, twice a week
- Vitamin D in the wintertime (consult a doctor before taking any vitamins and herbal supplements)
- Shut off the television. Does the television make you money? Or take it out of your wallet? Your time is valuable. Time you could be writing a novel that makes you money. Don't do things for free.
- Tea. Drink it. Dat shit's good for you.
- Soda pop. It's sugar water. Cockroaches love it. It makes you a fatty fat fat. Quit it.
- Clean your diet - Clean your diet - Clean your diet - I cannot stress that enough!
- Quit eating 'food' that comes in vacuum-sealed bags
- Learn to cook with simple recipes (google 'simple recipes') or Youtube cooking shows. Fresh food gives you mad energy.
- Is that mobile game you're playing making you money? No? Then drop it like a hot potato.
- Stuck on ideas? Google the words 'writing prompt'
- No idea how to start? Make a flow chart. Write it on index cards. Post-its. Just visibly lay it out. Make a bulleted list. Any way you understand it is fine.
- Make your writing space as quiet as you can possibly make it, including completely shutting your phone off. Because nobody has to answer every, single, goddamn text.
- Noise cancelling head phones. Listen to ambient music. Or smooth jazz. Or meditation music.
- Drink green smoothies. They're energy boosters.
- Do not consume anything that will make you crash hard later. Cocaine, I am looking at you!
 | |
| Caffeine overdosing? Adrenal fatigue, here we go! |
How I resolve to finish my own novels
Well, those are the ones off the top of my head. As for myself getting my novels finished, I have made a very important life-changing decision...This was one which I mulled over for months and months.
Realizing that I can't be everything to everyone, because I am not GOD, nor am I a magic genie that grants wishes in perpetuity; therefore, I have decided to absolve my current position as adult caretaker.
Nobody is paying me money to do anything here; I have unwittingly traded income for necessity. Though I have done more than enough, it's still never enough. Not really. Like the myth of Sysyphus rolling that boulder uphill, this challenge will never come to a conclusion. So enough. I'm growing desolate, depressed, and physically unhealthy, and I am getting old enough that I may not be able to have a family of my own.
Enough is enough!
Pity and heartbreak is so 5 minutes ago! What a woe-is-me attitude! Oh, boo!
 |
| Culmination of madness. |
I have also decided to bump up my moving date.
Originally I was to use money from book sales to help with the move, but the problem is that I cannot write while I live here! Far too many distractions.
So!
Not only will I be moving before summer, but also to another country. Finally getting my passport redone! Not gonna lie; kinda excited at the prospect of satisfying my wanderlust. Neat!
I am a firm believer in doing what needs to be done.
And in changing your environment if it doesn't work for you. Move furniture around the room. Or book a trip to Niagara Falls. Anything.
I've already enlisted help in this. Nobody says you have to go it alone! If you need help, always ask! No man is an island, and no self-help guru ever made it big completely by themselves.
Suffice to say, I have made my arrangements and my peace with my family. It took a lot of self reflection and growth to get to this point, and was definitely NOT easy! But I am pretty much done with waiting around for others, that I finally said goodbye to guilt itself.
Guilt: The most useless emotion ever invented.
Can it even be classified as an emotion? Or is it just political manipulation? Meh.
Stay tuned, as I continue to chronicle my progress.
