If I said that everything is fucked, I'd have to say it a few times.
LOL, this doggy reminds me of this song ⇒ ⇒: https://youtu.be/QMYKc1J_YCo
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So major diet adjustments had to be made, taking more time away from me, since I'm the only cook around here.
2nd hospitalization was due to some bad reaction with a prescribed sedative. Sedatives, because now she hallucinates, after 10yrs with the damn disease. It's so much fun, watching her demonize her family and scream and pound the walls. *sarcasm*
Wee! At all hours of the day/night! ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?! Jeez.
Sleep? What's that? I have a vague recollection, but nothing comes to mind.
Life is just, a dumpsterfire right now.
Then coming out of the hospital that second time, wouldn't you guess it? I guess my father and I picked up a horrific flu virus- an offshoot of ebola I think? Our generous coating of hospital Purell did shit for us! This fucking flu kept us bedridden for 5-7 days, coughing and hacking FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH. It began on April Fool's Day, and I'm not kidding. (yeah, very funny joke, you illuminati-satanist scum) April will forever burn in our minds as a cursed month in this house. Right now I'm still vaguely coughing here and there, and it's now mid May! I'm sure it'll clear up by September. However, during this sick storm, I still had to drag my half-dead feverish ass out of bed to check on my sickly father, because influenza can kill octogenarians effortlessly.
This virus resulted in teeth chattering, feverchills, bone crunching-YES, BONE CRUNCHING - this is your bone marrow working overtime to produce white blood cells, AND IT HURTS LIKE A VENOM COATED ASSHOLE! Plus other hits such as the following: Massive phlegm, freezing while my body is sweating profusely from neck to ankles, (I had to change my clothes and sheets often (never sweated so much in my entire life, and it was disturbing) having all of my trachea go bone-dry for days, both sinus cavities completely plugged up with mucus-cement, and sleeping in the fetal position, because of all the physical pain I endured. I even hurt my knee - I know not how!
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| Some dark web government funded, black budget military engineered virus straight from Satan's butthole |
I took every, single, miscellaneous flu or cold tablet I could get a hold of. One of them made me vomit. A few were expired.
Also, I have never chewed so much Ibuprofen in my entire life. No joke.
Here's the stupid part: We all had our flu shots months ago. FML, right?
Also, I have never chewed so much Ibuprofen in my entire life. No joke.
Here's the stupid part: We all had our flu shots months ago. FML, right?
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I looked up on YouTube something called a 'flu bomb' and it worked! Fuck all that medicine I took, because THIS HOMEMADE REMEDY was the only thing that kicked half the flu out of our system in one go! Totally recommend it.
Then there's the new problem.
My mother wants to escape out into the street in the middle of the night (this started happening this month) to help her mother (who died years ago) and take her to the hospital, because the angry lady (invisible person only she can see) attacked her, and steals her clothes all the time.
?!
My mother wants to escape out into the street in the middle of the night (this started happening this month) to help her mother (who died years ago) and take her to the hospital, because the angry lady (invisible person only she can see) attacked her, and steals her clothes all the time.
?!
I began staying up on vampire hours to watch her. My father scolds me for it. No, I must be awake during normal hours, like a normal person, he says. Jesus. Then who's gonna watch her? Who watches the watchers?
Me and my father need to discuss switching to Medicaid, setting up a family trust, setting up their estate, and getting an elder care lawyer to counsel him. But he refuses. This. This is the core problem in our family right now. Ever try to take the horse to the watering hole, AND make it drink?? Heck, he even shut me down when I tried telling him to purchase a grave plot now, before they're dead, so it's not so complicated and expensive. NOPE. No talk of death here! More mule stubbornness. Macho ego never actually resolved anything in history, has it?
Though my dad means well, I commend him for wanting to own to the responsibility of taking care of his spouse in her time of need. Certainly it is noble, but this situation is only now getting out of our capable hands. I feel we've done as much as we could and that there is no shame in asking for help. He feels 'we' can keep going, and should. I feel I could get more resolved by banging my head on the table.
This writer has hit the limit. Our family & friends are urging him to get more help. Nope. Doesn't want to hear it. Lalalala!
Denial - Not just a river in Egypt!
Family. Can't live with them. Can't live without them.
This is all killing me! So stressed, I've taken to emptying the shitty liquor downstairs. Warm can of Bud? I'll take it! My own friends felt so sorry for me, they offered me hits off their vapes. God bless them for their kindnesses.
Lately I've had to divide morebabymomsitting time, with 'taking care of their house & responsibilities' time. I have no time for me. At all. Where is my time? Disappeared, like D.B. Cooper and the money. Time is just a human construct here.
Somewhere in this mess, I am supposed to eek out some time to put together my novels. Somehow.
Lately I've had to divide more
Somewhere in this mess, I am supposed to eek out some time to put together my novels. Somehow.
And I need a vacation.
And I need a tequila. Or three.
Tequileese?
Jeez.
Does Amazon Prime sell phone chargers made for human bodies?
It's difficult not to feel exhaustion or resentment by this point. After all, I'm only human. Ish.
If we had any family in this side of the country, I would've hightailed it years ago, but they don't, and cannot be left living alone anymore. That's similar to what I wrote on the jury duty form to get excused, and hopefully they will since I only have $15.00 in the bank left to my name and no vehicle.
But seriously, there really is no one else to watch them. Huge responsibility!
YEARS FROM NOW, I will look back upon this period as, How did I get myself together enough to get out of the hole? and other such tales of the struggle to infamy!
Maybe I'll laugh it off too, as I see my 3rd book series translated into an HBO special. Right now though, I'm not laughing. I am drinking orange juice though, because it's something I never drink in my life. Had to get it. Even if it's a small thing. Treat yo' self! Gotta keep shifting those gears, keep it interesting. Try new things! Healthy distractions! Like this chocolate toffee bar I'm eating! *cries in muffled chocolate*
Maybe I'll laugh it off too, as I see my 3rd book series translated into an HBO special. Right now though, I'm not laughing. I am drinking orange juice though, because it's something I never drink in my life. Had to get it. Even if it's a small thing. Treat yo' self! Gotta keep shifting those gears, keep it interesting. Try new things! Healthy distractions! Like this chocolate toffee bar I'm eating! *cries in muffled chocolate*
Will I ever get around to finishing my book?
Yes, of course! Don't think for a second that I'm not crossing my T's and dotting my I's. I have been working behind the scenes diligently to finish up. My book series consists of four books, they go according to the weather seasons. I've already lost Spring, thanks to these aforementioned problems, but heading now towards Summer. The stories are already written, but disjointed. I've been shifting them around so I can fit enough of them all into one book.
I've even got my book marketing plan sorted out. I'm not just posting to my Instagram for absolutely no reason. This is part of raising my SEO profile out there. The plan will come together.
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| Dramatization of my plan, coming together |
Basically, I am hardwired to be a writer, so there is no way I will not pursue this occupation. God willing, that I can bring out the first book into this year.
What are your real Writing Distractions?
Go completely shut off your phone, put your Netflix subscription on hold, and go write wheresover the hell it is quiet enough for ya. Use noise cancellation headphones. Go to the library. Go to Starbucks, they have a policy where even if you don't order anything, they cannot kick you out, and I think they have free wifi. Panera has free wifi but u have to order something. Stop whining.
You will never have time or money to start that multi-million dollar dream project, so you might as well get going on it now.
Get started already!
Cry me a river if you keep insisting that you have no time! Answering friendship drama texts is NOT a hardship, ok ponytail? You don't know what hardship is until you have to clean human shit off the floor, and the staircase, and not even get paid for it!
People, if you have zero dependents, and you say you have too many writing distractions, you are full of shit. If your 'hardships' revolve around your iphone, you are seriously full of flagrantly egotistical, hollow excuses.
Go write. Go actually write. Jot it down.
If you only have yourself to take care of, and you have your health, then you don't have any writing distractions. Now don't you make me kick you in your hipster ponytail, and hold up a mirror to your whiny faces, buncha overly sensitive pansies. Get going already!
Some days I really wish I had my old life back where I was on my own, paying my own bills, and needy loved ones didn't weigh down on me, but here we are. Welcome to Life. Shit happens, and you navigate through it.
And sometimes, we are completely alone in this pursuit of greatness.
People, if you have zero dependents, and you say you have too many writing distractions, you are full of shit. If your 'hardships' revolve around your iphone, you are seriously full of flagrantly egotistical, hollow excuses.
Go write. Go actually write. Jot it down.
If you only have yourself to take care of, and you have your health, then you don't have any writing distractions. Now don't you make me kick you in your hipster ponytail, and hold up a mirror to your whiny faces, buncha overly sensitive pansies. Get going already!
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Some days I really wish I had my old life back where I was on my own, paying my own bills, and needy loved ones didn't weigh down on me, but here we are. Welcome to Life. Shit happens, and you navigate through it.
And sometimes, we are completely alone in this pursuit of greatness.
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| Lone wolf - Brave Barge |
And this is just another life challenge.
As frail human beings, we do the very best we can. That is all we can do.
As frail human beings, we do the very best we can. That is all we can do.
Now please excuse me, while I go print out my neglected book outlines, and go give my poor mom her meds. ✌
